Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Is there such a thing as "left wing fascism"? If not, what is an example of a political ideology that is often mistakenly labeled as "left wing fascism"?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What is the best way to get revenge on people who hurt you?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

What is one thing which you cannot stop however hard you try?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have complete contempt for fakery

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Do you think all these charges that have been brought against Trump are just a coincidence? If he was such a big threat why did they wait 3 years to bring these charges? Or is this all just election interference?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

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I don’t buy bullshit

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Do Marines really not need sleep during combat training or in general? If this is true, how and why is this possible?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Why can't NASA just bite the bullet and launch a plainly simple mission, audited by flat earther peers start to finish that definitively proves to even the smallest minds that the earth is an oblong spheroid, and not flat?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

If Trump were to lose in 2024, would that be the end of his grip on the Republican Party?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have a reading level above third grade

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It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I actually pay taxes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I can count

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I see through liars

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I can read

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes